College homesickness struggles, especially during freshman year, are not talked about enough, but they affect many, including myself. However, my experience ended up providing me with a unique opportunity to learn how to trust in Christ like never before. 

Packing and Preparations

If you had knocked on my bedroom door the summer of 2022 while I was packing for college and had asked me if I felt prepared for college, I would have said yes. I had conquered challenging academics in high school, was an obnoxiously social person, and had read just about every article, list, and guide that existed for preparing for college. I was ready. And then, just as quickly as it had been loaded, the car was unloaded and I was unpacked into my residence hall. My family was gone, thirteen hours away, and I was officially a Covenant College student. I quickly began to realize that I was not as ready as I had once thought.

Struggles of Sorrows

My first semester of college was the hardest thing I have ever been through. I was struck with extreme homesickness, something that in my meticulous preparations, I had not prepared for. It affected me deeply, impacting my physical and social well-being. I felt lonely, cold, and empty. I was struggling to wait for acquaintances to blossom into close friends and drowning in foggy anxiety. In these depths, I often cried out as David does in Psalm 23 as I felt I was walking through the darkest valley. The difference was that I was not relying on my God to bring me beside still waters. I was desperately trying to trust in my own strength to get things done and not reach my emotional capacity, and I found that I fell short every time.

Living through Loneliness

This was a distinctly lonely season, something that I had never felt before. I had never had to move, so I had never gone through a period of such transition, especially apart from my family, and I suffered. I was overcome daily with my thoughts and completely unable to cheer myself up, and it scared me. I was so lost and asked my parents to come visit, realizing that I would most likely be packing up and going home. But the Lord drew near to me in my suffering. He showed up in my parents who wrote me weekly and called me multiple times a day, as early as six in the morning, just so I wouldn’t have to feel quite so alone. He showed up in my home church family, sending messages of encouragement, care packages, and praying earnestly from afar. Most importantly, He showed up in people here at Covenant College.

Comfort in Community

The church body is designed to weep with those who weep, and that requires us to speak up when we are weeping. I reached out tentatively at first, asking for a quick and general prayer at our weekly prayer and praise time on my hall, and was blown away at the response. Girls reached out to eat breakfast (my loneliest time) with me, invited me to their room for tea, and committed to walk alongside me, praying for me constantly. I was shown the love of Christ in ways that I had never tasted before, and the Lord showed me grace even when I was resisting to trust in Him. These lessons were hard won, but remain the best things I have learned since coming to Covenant.

Privilege of Pain

I did not drop out, thankfully, or I would have not been equipped to do what I have been called to. I have learned to be genuine when sharing my own story, praying that it draws others like me, and it has. I have had the unique opportunity to be brought to the end of myself in order to be drawn to Christ, and I have had a far more unique opportunity to tell others about what I went through. It is a joy to pour into others, and I would not be able to serve in this way if I had not walked it myself. 

The times of extreme homesickness college freshmen face is not talked about enough, leading to an even more isolated feeling of being afraid to ask for help. Though it was the hardest trial I have ever walked, it was worth it to be able to minister to others in this way, bring this widespread struggle into the light, and help others learn the sweet lessons I did. Indeed, I count it all joy!

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